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Our goal is to make immigration safe and legal, ensure a steady work force, provide opportunity to those who love America, and secure our borders... by providing Mexicans with viable, affording neutering options.

Testimonials

"It is dangerous for our security here. Let's do it the right way. Let's get them visas." - Governor Schwarzenegger (CA-R), Austrian immigrant

"The problem we have is the lack of a comprehensive immigration policy. This is a federal responsibility. We need to fix the immigration system that is broken." - Governor Bill Richards (NM-D), Mexi-Nicaraguan American

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A Solution To Illegal Immigration?

The immigration debate has exposed a cankerous sore on the lips of both sides of this issue, left and right, top and bottom. Much of the country is upset that the government is doing absolutely nothing about illegal immigration and is proposing to grant amnesty to illegal immigrants in lieu of failing to enforce long-standing laws. Imagine if you never murdered anybody, but tomorrow the government granted amnesty to all the murderers. You’d feel pretty cheated, wouldn’t you? Bet there are plenty of people you would have murdered right to death if you knew you could get away with it. This is the same thing.

The Mexicans are exactly the same

The illegal immigrants believe this to be a racist attack designed to purge the country of Hispanics, and that’s not exactly true, 100%. I love Mexicans myself and have no problem with many of them who make our fine, American sport of Major League Baseball so great. Sure, they can’t play football or basketball worth a damn, but what they do for baseball really does make up for it.

But both sides of this debate have valid points in the argument, perhaps. Still, there needs to be a solution before the issue becomes too contentious. I love my Chalupa, but I’m not about to marry it or attempt to make any sort of non-oral love with it, if you know what I mean. That includes the Baja and Supreme varieties, even with steak or chicken fillings.

The immigration enforcement position

Those who favor immigration enforcement argue that these people entered the country illegally and should not be rewarded for breaking the law since they are obviously criminals, even if just for crossing the border, though probably for drug smuggling and terrorism purposes. These people may rightly assert that this embarrassingly porous border makes it easy for the enemies of the United States, including terrorists, who try (and succeed!) in entering the country and undermining us from within should find no safe harbor here. Some people say that illegal immigrants inflate our already bloated welfare rolls causing taxpayers to pay for people who sneak across the border, and that these criminals (already broke the law by entering the country illegally, as already mentioned) are here committing yet more crimes, often against our women, children, and women-children (specifically daughters, but also urban-stolen child brides too.)

These situations are leading in many cases to open armed conflict on the border with Mexico and Mexican officials. That’s a land war in North America, and it’s nothing we want any part of, at least not yet, not at this point. The day will come, so be prepared, but it is not today.

The immigrants’ positions

Living in poverty with no hope of a better life for oneself or one’s children isn’t exactly exciting. If you lived in Mexico and saw the prosperity in the U.S., you’d want to come here too, especially if all the jobs at the Volkswagen plant and selling Chiclets on the streets of Tijuana were taken, which they always are, semi-sadly. Prostitution jobs are still available and profitable, but it requires a commitment to being young and thin, and many can’t stick to it due to low metabolisms or advancing years.

With the Mexican and United States governments in super-secret cooperation to make it so easy to come here, it hardly seems like it is “illegal,” but it is, and it’s a big time crime. Many companies are ready and willing to not only hire you, but help you “doctor” the paperwork so it appears perfectly legit, especially in Iowa, or if you run your own business at discount rates and don’t get any complaints. Worse still, if you’re Mexican and your child is born in the U.S., you’ll automatically have U.S. citizenship, and that’s why we need to fix these broken borders and these broken Mexicans, so they can come here to work, but not to re-people-ate our nation with Mexicans.

It’s a Win-Win for All-All

This problem has been caused by the government of the United States not only spending decades not enforcing the law, but by broadcasting that it has no intention of enforcing the law, like leftist pansy jerkofooks. When the Mexican government started producing pamphlets on how to sneak across the border without getting caught, a claim we believe despite it not being proved by anything more than us saying it’s true, our great United States government did nothing about it. While it’s tempting to blame the illegal immigrants, we can’t hold them to account for wanting a better life, especially one so awesome as the life that awaits them in America by being a kind-of American. They’re being told by their own government that they can come to the U.S. of A for a good and better (best) life, and that our complacent, liberally biased, pacifist border agents are saying point blank that they won’t enforce the laws.

Mitt Romney said it best when he said, “the liberals in Washington are to blame.” He may be $44 million in debt to his own failed presidential campaign, but that doesn’t mean what he says is wrong.

If we let the Mexicans in, provided they are fixed, then everybody gets what they want. If they won’t get fixed, they can’t come in, and that’s all right as well, but it’s a choice they have to make for themselves. We can make it a safe, legal alternative, but the choice is ultimately up to the Mexicans. It’s an easy choice. It’s a matter of money and freedom for infertility, or they can stay the hell in the hell that is Mexico… it’s hot, so how do we know it isn’t hell?

Solution

All immigrants would be required to register with the government and undergo some simple tests, including a background check, basic intelligence test, and fertility examination. Once they’ve failed to raise any red and green flags here, they’ll be free to remain in the United States for a period of up to six-years, as long as they can provide evidence of income and not get a criminal record (sometimes a prohibitive clause, but we just can’t keep the foreign criminals in our nation).

The number of legal immigrants we give visas to can be greatly increased without any chance that our nation will be overrun, or that we’ll have to learn Spanish in our advancing booming-busting years. The easier it is for legitimate people to get here (while keeping the “bad guys” out), the better we can prevent the “black market” immigrant transport problem we have now, which is very profitable, but so far not taxed.

Another Reason It’s Great

They’ll have very limited access to welfare programs, because those are meant for “Americans.” They’ll be expected to support themselves like every other immigrant who comes here legally. We should not allow the government of Mexico to treat the U.S. as if we’re responsible for their poverty problems and welfare programs, so let’s get even, Steven. Our president isn’t Nixon, and America today can’t be a Nixon-esque dumping ground for Cubans like it was when he demanded they empty the Cuban prisons into America. If Mexico insists on the U.S. providing social services for its citizens, then it may be time we consider whether or not Mexico should become the 51st state. If you don’t like the idea, maybe you should move back to Mexico, or get suited up for the invasion, because it might be right around the bend before you know it. With its military lackadaisicrap, all of which we know about because we’re Mexican “allies,” we can topple it in 76-hours for less than a billion dollars, though a KBR occupation may cost somewhat more.

Super American Summary

This program will suffice in getting all legitimate workers documented, isolate the ugly criminal element, as criminals wouldn’t likely walk into a government office to get fingerprinted, and create a regime that allows for enforcement (even when government officials want to weasel out of their duties). It will stem the incentives that cause people to sneak across the border and the incentives to hire human smugglers. It will also allow for the compassion and fairness of liberal immigration that has been beneficial to our society. Lastly, it will emphasize assimilation by requiring a permanent irrevocable choice to become a U.S. citizen. It is a difficult issue to arrive at a compromise on because of the failure of the government, which made this the huge issue it has become.