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Our Mission

Our goal is to make immigration safe and legal, ensure a steady work force, provide opportunity to those who love America, and secure our borders... by providing Mexicans with viable, affording neutering options.

Testimonials

"It is dangerous for our security here. Let's do it the right way. Let's get them visas." - Governor Schwarzenegger (CA-R), Austrian immigrant

"The problem we have is the lack of a comprehensive immigration policy. This is a federal responsibility. We need to fix the immigration system that is broken." - Governor Bill Richards (NM-D), Mexi-Nicaraguan American

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Hidden Benefits of Neutering Your Mexican

While some do rightly argue that there could be a small handful of evident side effects to spaying or neutering your Mexican, these can easily be dismissed by even the smallest amount of blind faith. Any educated person unencumbered by an excess of melanin would quickly see the benefits automatically afforded to such men, even if only because you believe what you read.

In addition to…

It’s obvious that the economy will self-correct once we rebalance our Mexican immigration flow, and that gas prices will drop (Mexico is a big exporter of oil) and that the U.S. tax roll will automatically balance local, state and federal budgets. Even still. There are more benefits than you might have even imagined, but they are still real!

More English Spoken Locally!

Once you take away the banditos and bambinos speaking all that Spanish, the parents (or in this case, citizens) will have a greater need to learn English in order to have people to talk to. Yes, neutering your Mexican will lead to an increase in spoken English in your kitchens, fields and construction sites. By freeing up the revenue currently wasted on needless and futile border patrols, we’ll have literally billions of dollars free to create English as a Second Language (ESL) courses to help the Mexicans learn and master our unique and difficult mother tongue.

Never an Instance of Tubal Pregnancy, Abortion, Children with Disabilities, Testicular Cancer or Ball Play (Aggressive or Otherwise)

Though perhaps understated, the difficulties caused by these serious medical maladies are no less important matters. If you are looking to benefit the Mexicans in your possession, the ones you love the most, you owe it to them to help stem the tide of sometimes-fatal tubal pregnancies, the damnable decision to abort an unborn baby (yours or otherwise), or the painful fetish of testicular play in men who don’t know when to say when to a lover too aggressive to accept. Only you can make this world of fantasy become a reality, but that woman who thusly played so vigorously with his nut-satchel may need to be reined in as well, taught a new lesson, and taken as a domestic for your own purposes… of whatever, I’m just saying.

Inability to Accidentally Cross-Pollinate

The embarrassment of accidental pregnancy between the landed-classes and Mexican sub-sub-sub-servants will become an overnight (no pun intended) thing of the past thanks to our program. Whether it’s your 19-year-old nanny or Juan de Fookya, the pool boy, there will be no more family-ruining questions stemming from a few dozen acts of indiscretion ever again. Rest assured that your run for congress or your place in your ugly wife’s family can remain secure. In truth, caution must still be taken to avoid sexually transmitted diseases, such as crabs lice and herpes, but, these are easier to explain than a beige youngster calling you his baby-daddy with a genetic test to prove its truth. It’s adorable in many ways, but this regrettable instance can be a thing of the past thanks to the convenient pre-neutering of your Mexicali-rose before things get even stickier than they were on those 50 or 60 nights when you might have caused the problem in the first place, regardless of how “caliente” it might have been.

Castrato Choirs a’ singing

If you catch them young enough, those Mexicans, which would be our ideal policy, you can single-handedly, zero-glandedly resurrect the whole genre of castrato choral singing so prominent in Europe in the 1500s that nothing since has come close to, no matter what the Disney empire has attempted. We can personally and single-handedly (though two hands are better in surgical terms) bring back to life a whole new breed of forgotten classical music, but we can’t do it without your help, and the explicit permission of your Mexicans, who can even sign with a single X, provided you know someone who will sign off that they understood what they are agreeing to.

With Your Help, and Then Some

The benefits available to neo-Mexi-Americans and their sponsors so greatly outweigh the single downside, and it’s only that of what a few liberal pundits might off-handedly call “a morally reprehensible mandate,” but together, through unified efforts and teamwork, we can make this magic happen.

Please review our Bill Proposal and send it to every lawmaker you have above you. Without your help, Mexicans will continue breaking the law and breeding to extents beyond the law, and if there’s one thing worse than crime, it’s Mexicans committing the crimes of proliferation while our economy is coincidentally slipping into a downward spiral, presumably caused by our financial imprudence in attempting to stop them, while they’re destroying our economy by undercutting Americans, breeding children and failing to pay their taxes.