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Our Mission

Our goal is to make immigration safe and legal, ensure a steady work force, provide opportunity to those who love America, and secure our borders... by providing Mexicans with viable, affording neutering options.

Testimonials

"It is dangerous for our security here. Let's do it the right way. Let's get them visas." - Governor Schwarzenegger (CA-R), Austrian immigrant

"The problem we have is the lack of a comprehensive immigration policy. This is a federal responsibility. We need to fix the immigration system that is broken." - Governor Bill Richards (NM-D), Mexi-Nicaraguan American

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What’s Wrong With Mejanos?

Many of our detractors misunderstand our organization and our mission. We don’t “hate” Mexicans as much as we love them in a non-traditional way. Hatred? Nonsense! Nothing could be further from the truth. Many of us have Mexicans of our own, whether as family or employees, and others enjoy tortillas, and if this doesn’t practically prove that we’re not racists when we say we really want to keep American soil sacred for us Americans, maybe we don’t know what could prove it to you.

That can mean you Mexicans too!

And to prove we’re not racist, consider that just last summer I used a bunch of kindly, disheveled Mexican guys I met in front of Home Depot to build my back deck and fence. Almost have to wonder what the border fence would cost if it was built five-feet on the Mexican side of the border, especially if you paid them under the table. I have to say, for people who don’t like fences, the quality was top notch, and the price was almost embarrassingly cheap. It really makes you wonder how they can afford to pay taxes.

But they don’t pay taxes!

Many anti-Mexicans like to point out that migrant farm laborers rack up astronomical bills at hospitals, but that’s an idiot’s argument at best. Even if real Americans filled these jobs, they wouldn’t be able to pay for any amount of medical care. I mean come on, the job barely pays the agricultural minimum wage and never has any kind of health care benefits, so it doesn’t matter who gets pregnant in the fields, there’s no way in hell your farm workers could ever pay for their own medical treatment, whether it’s baby delivery or just a busted nut (or broken arm). That doesn’t mean they should be free to skate on taxes though.

What can I say, I like my strawberries cheap.

The better point to make here isn’t about the farm workers; it’s about all the other jobs available on the farm. When you have a legal citizen, he pays taxes and helps feed into the system that pays for all the transients who use the hospitals. As long as these guys remain undocumented, they’ll be doing almost nothing to carry their due tax burden, and I should know - I’ve put money into their pockets personally! Nobody “loves” paying taxes, though I do so dutifully, because I’m an American, and it benefits you, me and even them… let’s let them start carrying their own tax weight around here.

Making babies for fun, profit and the benefit of the Pope

The other problem, and arguably the biggest one, is that once a fertile Mexican enters the country illegally, they can spurt out some Spanish-speaking offspring and automatically become Americans, even if they haven’t paid their taxes, and even though they are criminals by the very fact they entered the country illegally. They’re like rats in that 10 of them can inbreed and become a thousand within about three years. This whole baby-birthing gap is an immigration loophole we’ve been trying to spackle-over for years, and until we find a way, it’s still going to be profitable for illegal Mexicans to have all kinds of wet, unprotected sex in any of our 50 great states (plus Washington DC, Puerto Rico, Guam and the US Virgin Islands). Let’s identify that gap and close it.

Having sex in America is not a crime!

But it is, sometimes, especially when there’s no denying that you’re an illegal immigrant, because once you’re here illegally, everything you do is illegal because of that first crime you committed - immigrating illegally. Let’s work together to not make the coital act illegal, but instead let’s fix these Mexicans so it doesn’t have to upset anyone when they do their dirty deeds, even if blessed by matrimonially permitted conjugation, as long as it’s in the privacy of their homes, among consenting adults, and doesn’t somehow spill over into Americana. Sure, they won’t get all the tax breaks provided to those with a half-dozen dependents on the 1040-EZ, but they will have the luxury of completing that great American tax form, along with the responsibility of sending in their due contribution unto Caesar.